By Vernon Chelsea Klingman III


  1. So, why don’t we all discuss the second coming?  For old time’s sake.
  2. I don’t have a lot of hobbies, but I do enjoy studying the last days as a past time.
  3. I’m completely dedicated to preterism.  Even though there’s really no future in it.
  4. Personally, I find the preterist reformation to be quite timely.
  5. When I’m through with those futurists, their view will be history.
  6. I’m really not opposed to dispensationalists getting raptured.
  7. The archangel totally blew it.
  8. When it comes to eschatology, hindsight is 20/20.
  9. I like to call them the last days of yore.
  10. Preterism is the only view of eschatology that will stand the test of time.
  11. I had three Americanos this morning.  So, I was kind of a hyper preterist.
  12. When I said, “time will tell which view of eschatology is correct”, I didn’t mean we’d have to wait and see.
  13. I’m taking futurists to the woodshed.  And I’m bringing a timing belt.
  14. Let’s make preterism the eschatology of the future!  Er, you know what I mean.
  15. I went over 70 in the car with my family last night.  Of course, I go over it with them at home too.
  16. Whenever you get discouraged in your efforts to convert people to preterism, just remember… in less than a hundred years, everyone you know will agree with you.
  17. Living past 70 is a blessing.
  18. I believed the Gospel, I just didn’t know what to think about the rest of the story.  Then I discovered preterism.  And the rest is history.
  19. If you’re waiting for Revelation 19 to be fulfilled, I’ve got news for you… that horse has left the barn.
  20. Whenever someone asks me how much of the Olivet Discourse was fulfilled, I just say, “Olivet”.
  21. Preterism kicked my left behind all the way to kingdom came.
  22. In 70 AD, Christ married His Bride.  That makes me a legitimate son of the resurrection.  Despite what they call me.
  23. I prefer to call it the yesterday of the Lord.
  24. The Jewish rebellion against Rome may not have been the greatest uprising in history, but it did coincide with it.
  25. I’m sorry if I’ve irritated you by speaking about eschatology in the past.  I promise not to speak of the coming of Christ in the future.


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